psychosis recovery stories

I was diagnosed with psychosis in May, 2007, while living in the south of Sweden. Rima El-Boustani is a Polish-Lebanese student living in Poland. Psychosis recovery stories? They knew me so well and they were often entertaining. The following blog posts are written by people with personal experience of psychosis. It was truly my own little world and nobody understood it like I did. She worried that I might never get out of it, or worse, that I would lose the will to try. It just was. I had come to expect nightly visits from Charlie. Postnatal Psychosis Recovery Stories Recovery Stories. I would have fit in well with Stein’s “lost generation.”. Above all other reasons, it is the stigma associated with mental health conditions that keeps us silent and hidden. I’ve persevered. Ⓒ 2020 OC 87 Inc. | info@oc87recoverydiaries.org. “My psychosis,” as I would call it, was intensifying more each day and manifesting itself more openly. As part of my recovery, I have been blogging about what it is like to live with delusional psychosis under a pseudo name, Noose Girl. Eventually I came to a point where there were just no more “new” ideas with which to plague me. All people who access services have a big story to tell and it doesn’t matter what the motivation is that gets you in the door. I lay awake, unable to sleep. My mother had been afraid to put a label on me, especially if that label was “crazy,” but that label was one of the tools I used to deal. My drug use exacerbated my illness, and suicide or overdose quickly became a dangerous reality. I’d been struggling the past few months. The important factor is that you’re here and that recovery is possible. ... Blogs and stories can show that people with mental health problems are cared about, understood and listened to. My impaired judgement was obvious even in the early days of my illness. Odd, considering I didn’t associate with traditional religion. Prior to my encounters with Charlie, I never would I have considered myself a religious guy, but midway through my second year at the University of Victoria, I was convinced I was possessed. I’d been struggling the past few months. The devil has his tricks, but I’ve got an ace or two up my sleeve, and the greatest trick I’ve ever pulled was admitting to myself that I was ill. Join and become part of our mailing list! And I couldn’t believe the same thing twice. Follow us. I had drug induced psychosis in 2014 which lasted a few years. In many ways, it was its own being. And, so, I survived another day for a full ten years. But I didn’t give up. My depression and anxiety subsided. She thought that I might like the world I created, that I wouldn’t want to leave it behind. Everything is normal. Five nights is enough to break anybody, let alone someone in the early stages of mental illness. I’m kind of in an episode currently, but it’s manageable and very mild. My friends were beginning to worry. ‘Psychosis: Stories of Hope and Recovery’ Editors: Hannah Cordle, Jane Fradgley, Jerome Carson, Frank Holloway, and Paul Richards Quay Books 2011-05-30 200pp ISBN 1-85642-420-0 £19.99 (paperback) The purpose of this book is twofold. I suffered from delusions, hallucinations, and everything else typically associated with the illness. I thought that I had to, I thought that was my only choice. Every time I got better after a relapse I would understand why the things I thought were impossible. She talks about her journey to recovery and her plans for the future. Recovery. Experiencing psychosis may feel like a nightmare, but being told your life is over after having your first episode is just as scary. Charity Registration Number: 827676867 RR0001, Stigma-Free COVID-19 Youth Wellness Toolkit, https://stigmafreesociety.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/TjspxaSw.jpg, https://stigmafreesociety.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/STIGMA-FREE-SOCIETY-2018-01-2-300x283.png, Andrew’s Fascinating Story: Psychosis to Recovery is not an Easy Road. I felt that I had to own this change in my mind and make it mine in order to survive it. A few times I was a computer, other times I was God—the burden was always there, in every thought and feeling. Mums who have psychosis recovery rate and beyond. The focus is on providing optimal, comprehensive intervention to individuals experiencing psychosis in an environment that supports their recovery. There were signs, however, signs that I should have noticed, and that the people around me should have seen. I just felt that I had to escape. value; it’s a metaphor. Accepting my illness and the consequences of living with a mental health condition has been one of my greatest and most hard-earned accomplishments. Recovery from psychosis is hard, but you will make it. Psychosis, in the clinical sense of the word, means living inside of myself. I was no longer the pal they once knew. Or a fragment of me. Journey to Recovery from First-Episode Psychosis. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. By talking openly, our bloggers hope to increase understanding around mental health, break down stereotypes and take the taboo out of something that – like physical health – affects us all. Each day was hard, with its own tribulations, its own memories. Psychosis can be brought on by mental health issues such as bipolar disorder or schizophrenia, but it can also be the result of drug use. Nothing people said could change how real things seemed to me. Study Finds Less or No Medication After Psychosis Fosters Recovery ... 3. Both personal recovery and clinical recovery are possible—that’s the message we should be spreading to the thousands of young people experiencing episodes of psychosis. In short, everything that was once characterized by my illness has become positive. It was mine. Paranoia, which had fast become a close friend, set in. I now understand that I created it, even if it was my subconscious. The Stigma-Free Society, formerly the Bipolar Disorder Society of BC, is a registered non-profit since January 2010. Personal experiences of having a mental health problem have been captured and published in Powerful Minds, a booklet which shares the stories of people who have experienced psychosis. On the day my mother told me she was taking me to a doctor, I was afraid. It told me time and time again thereafter that, because I could think, I must be alive. It had become clear to everyone around me that my mental health was deteriorating, and quickly at that. There was no one turning point, but rather a series of turning points. The treacherous path, however, was far from over. Psychosis Recovery: This guide offers a set of “survivor’s” tools that can aid recovery and help you get you back on your feet after an episode of psychosis. The psychosis duration and recovery time will depend on how the person experiences psychosis and what induces the psychotic episode. I saw myself leading a revolution, and deposing the corrupt and deceptive powers that be. My imagination is what was real for me. This was my only explanation for the supernatural entity I knew as Charlie. After the assessment, the doctor or psychiatrist will diagnose and treat the individual. They call it “tvungsvård” in Sweden, meaning, “forced care.”. Sleep was the best drug I had. Often, I had just enough willpower to go to sleep in those moments where I could not handle the life I was living anymore. I think that medicine as well as a deep will in myself and my family were paramount in my recovery. One time, prior to being admitted to hospital, I locked myself in a school bathroom and just screamed and screamed but nobody noticed. My journey with psychosis is finally at an end. Nowadays, sleep is no longer my crutch. They had an excellent system of support for the sick. This phase occurs, in most cases, after a person has been treated for psychosis. She was afraid of the stigma of taking me to see a psychiatrist. This is Lucy’s experience with psychosis and her journey to recovery. Contact. Drug-induced psychosis recovery is different for each person, especially dependent upon the state of their mental health while sober. My grades weren’t as great as they I would have liked, I was becoming increasingly isolated, anxious, and moody, and my mind persistently raced. Eventually, she would like to be a researcher in Economics. I had a lot on my plate. Rather there is an acceptance of it within Swedish society. I was using drugs – cannabis – and was drinking heavily on the weekends. I hadn’t told anyone about him and I mean no one would believe Charlie existed. Being admitted to hospital constituted a pivotal junction in my mind, because they said, “you have psychosis.” It was my first time talking to a psychiatrist and it took a while to absorb the cold hard fact that I was insane. When I finally saw a psychiatrist, at the age of 19, I was almost immediately diagnosed with psychosis NOS (not otherwise specified), OCD and a mood disorder. It didn’t occur to me that I got along with them because they were me. I had taken on a disheveled and rough around the edges kind of look, and my behaviour had become erratic and odd. ... Postnatal Psychosis. Recovery Stories. EPI programs are based on a client-centred model of care which means that client’s needs and involvement are central to planning and care. When Charlie spoke to me – his many voices clamoring inside my head – he’d tell me I was the reincarnation of Christ. I consider the University of Victoria to be a party school, and I found myself immersed in the campus culture of reckless indulgence. But my “slump” didn’t explain Charlie. My grades weren’t as great as […] I spent many stressful, scary, and misconstrued days in the hospital, while I was under observation. Psychosis, by its very nature, could not stop me from being. The Importance of Mental Health Education in Schools, The Stigma-Free Society Supports You this Coming Fall and Always, Mental Well-Being and Our Canadian Farmers, 5 Ways to Boost your Mental Health in 35 Minutes or Less. ... Catherine discusses her psychosis and her recovery in an MBU My Fourth Trimester Psychosis Recovery … Tara and Terry-Lee Marttinen. On the one hand it aims to provide a greater understanding of psychosis for sufferers, carers and healthcare professionals, in its first chapters on … In many ways, Sweden itself, with its system and its people also helped me to accept my illness and to recover. All Rights Reserved. After two dreadful weeks, the medication started to work. 3 of these narratives. PsychosisNet is an initiative of the Dutch NGO PsychoseNet, run by people with lived experience and professionals. 16-17. share. If it is a strictly drug-induced psychosis, recovery will involve first sobering the individual up. But there was one quote I remembered from a philosophy class that gave me hope. Once again, they say the greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. I had gone from being a straight-A student to barely scraping by and I just couldn’t deal. People often ask: what exactly is ‘recovery’? My alarm clock read 3 am. Maybe people did notice, but didn’t dare do anything. For years after this, I battled with gods, was humbled by them, forced into prayer and rituals, I fought evil in the form of demons and terrorists, attempted self-exorcism and so much more. Acceptance is the first step on the long road through recovery. Many times, I hallucinated that countless lives were at risk if I moved, fell asleep, or got distracted. I just didn't realise how much my life would change that day." My most powerful symptom, and perhaps one that I to an extent cultivated because I liked it, was hearing voices. This thread is archived. That’s how it felt. I’m 30 now, and having lived the past thirteen years with a mental health diagnosis, I can honestly say, I’m not out of the woods yet. I saw a physiotherapist and nutritionist to help me lose the weight that the medicine piled on me. We’ll sweep all traces of mental illness under the rug, just to give off the impression of normalcy. And there was certainly something devilish about Charlie. I lit a cigarette, and waited. Or if they did, they didn’t care. It could choose the thoughts I felt, decide if this day was good or bad. I may be past the hospitalization phase of my illness (I have racked up a total of 20 or so hospitalizations since being diagnosed), but new challenges loom on the horizon; integrating back into society, learning to cope with day-to-day stressors without the crutch of drugs and alcohol, and repairing damaged relationships will not be easy. Introduction. Stories of recovery from psychosis Psychosis involves a combination of an individual’s unique genetic, neurologic, psychological, and environmental factors. I remember breaking down so many times. Don't wait. I assumed that they were alien-esque, shape-shifters sitting outside, observing me, waiting. To support and nurture healing from ‘psychosis’, faith in the possibility of recovery is vital. That meant you couldn’t judge me or say that I’m wrong, because you didn’t know. I am no longer cocooned in that fantasy life. And even though I relished the good days, there were only so many times I could relapse back and forth without giving up. I exhibited so many of the symptoms associated with psychosis—a substantial drop in my grades, trouble concentrating, declining hygiene, a significant weight loss, oscillating from strong emotions to a feeling of emptiness to name a few. A normal person might assume that they took this in shifts. ... See Related Recovery Stories: Mental Health First Person Essays, Schizophrenia. 35 comments. Charlie often came to me with visions of the future. Andrea Paquette – Bipolar Babe – Courage to Come Back Mini Movi... stigma associated with mental health conditions. Where this was not the case, I needed simply to join the dots rather than paint an entire landscape. It was very much a kind of self-induced torture. An accomplished writer, Mike discusses the role writing has played in his 10-year journey living with and finding recovery from psychosis, specifically, schizophrenia. Mental health recovery inspiration on YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. I had no control of the twists and turns that psychosis took. In one mother's words – we are women. They would tell me things like, “do you understand how unlikely this is?” or, “how improbable that is?” “It is impossible that you are fluent in Czech without having studied it.” Things that seemed incredulous to the ‘normal’ people around me made perfect sense to me. During the Paris expat era of the 1920’s, Gertrude Stein referred to post-war twenty-somethings as “lost.” Looking back, I realize I too had become lost; just a lost boy looking for his next “feel good” moment. There are more recovery stories here that are not specific to psychosis, but to other forms of mental distress that get labeled bipolar or depressed etc. As part of my forced care, somebody had to sit outside my room watching me all the time. Women share their experiences with postnatal psychosis. A few more recent posts on the subject of psychosis recovery: Understanding Psychosis and Schizophrenia – A Valuable, and Free, Online Report Although I have a background as a reporter, I deliberately avoided For example, I crashed a bike into a brick wall when I tried to escape from the hospital ward the first time I was admitted—my only excuse was that I hadn’t yet realized or understood what it meant to have “psychosis,” or how dangerous I could be to myself. It was alive. The journey should have been easier after that first junction, but insanity is, if nothing else, unpredictable. It’s still early days, but I’ve come so far. She talks about her journey to recovery and her plans for the future. Women and men share their experiences with perinatal mental health. Louise blogs for us about a difficult time in her life when she experienced psychosis. This, combined with a willingness to view life through the lens of the person’s subjective experience enables the co-creation of a shared meaning to emerge, deepening mutual understanding and leading to increasing acceptance of self and other. Apply for the Stigma-Free Society Grant Writer Position today! This saying shouldn’t be taken at face Psychosis, in the clinical sense of the word, means living inside of myself. The recovery story of Katrien Michiels The recovery story of Margré Knip Margré is a recovery coach who offers WRAP trainings and a workshop ‘Working With Your Own Experience’. My alarm clock read 3 am. Amanda, NSW "I knew on that day that I was unwell but decided that my only choice was to keep on going. I became a recreational, and at times habitual, user. Let’s backtrack a bit. There are multiple stories of complete (ultimately drug free) recovery from psychotic phenomena on Beyond Meds: Psychosis Recovery And to read about Open Dialogue, the program that is having enormous success in Finland: How to empty psych beds everywhere For more information reading Robert Whitaker’s books are a good place to start: It was the fifth night in a row that I’d gone without sleep. Not only was I facing psychosis, but I had been battling a severe case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and depression for a year and a half. Five nights is enough to break anybody, let alone someone in the early stages of mental illness. While clinical recovery usually means an absence of psychiatric symptoms (e.g. View stories . Get help early. That meant that the psychosis had less power. There is no “stigma” of being mentally ill, as my mother had worried. Rima El … I was absolutely paranoid that my mother wanted to kill me, and even though my paranoia was baseless at least so far as reality goes, it carried a lot of weight with me. She was not alone in her denial. It’s okay to feel a, Do you ever see yourself some of our #mentalhealth, It's gonna be a good day #agoodday #stayposit, Beneath The Vest: First Responder Mental Health. Recovery is a concept that is difficult to pin down. I was a shell of my former self, unrecognizable to my innermost circle. For Mental Health Awareness Month, Tanara, who was diagnosed at the age of 27, shares her very honest story of coping with the disease. Understanding Psychosis - NAMI Minnesota What Really is a "Psychotic Break with Reality"? Find out more about the symptoms, causes and treatments of psychosis from Mind, Rethink Mental Illness and the NHS. The course varies widely and fluctuates, often From narrative wreckage to islands of clarity Stories of recovery from psychosis Visions Journal, 2006, 3(2), pp. My substance abuse complicated matters. While my friends and family advocated for help on my behalf, I edged closer to a full blown psychotic break. But substance abuse is normalized among students, and among young adults in general. The police found me in the end and took me to hospital where I was diagnosed and submitted to inpatient care, the kind where you are not allowed to leave, even if you want to. And it fits well with the topic of mental illness. It sucks but, it’s what it is. At first, I was confident that I was in a morgue and when I heard the clattering of knives and forks during lunch and dinner hours, I was absolutely convinced that they were waiting to cut me up. I walked out the door clad in nothing but my pajamas, shoes and a disoriented mind. Once on the Unit, I was doing well, but the day after my longed-for baby joined me on the ward, the depression that so often follows postpartum psychosis kicked in and all the love I had previously felt for Oona disappeared overnight. Now, I am in remission and glad of it. There were also many practitioners behind the scenes who facilitated my recovery. Engrossed in the twisted fantasies that filled my head, I stayed up all night watching “The Exorcist,” chased phantom silhouettes around my landlord’s backyard, and had assumed a vacant thousand-yard stare. I couldn’t control it. I just have to work on reeling my thoughts back in with the tools I acquired over the last few years. Recovery is the desired and achievable outcome for persons with serious mental illnesses, including psychosis.Yet it remains a topic fraught with controversy, posing challenges that must be dealt with by psychologists and other mental health professionals at … Perhaps it is those of us who’ve lived with mental health diagnoses – not the devil – who work so hard at convincing the world we don’t exist. ‘Recovery… New dad's share their experience with postnatal anxiety and depression. I adopted a dog and walking him has now become the routine that once was psychosis. There were countless instances where normal (or abnormal) circumstances could have proved fatal to me due to a lack in judgement. Only so many times I could go from good back to bad, always back to bad. It gave me just enough strength to survive another day. stories of their pathways to recovery. I suffered from delusions, hallucinations, and everything else typically associated with the illness. A couple of years later, I was re-diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder (part bipolar, part schizophrenia) and OCD. Throughout my journey, many things shook my confidence. Even my better days were difficult because I would always slip back. In Sweden, they have something called a “stödperson”—in short, this is someone who helps you with your daily life and is there to talk. Editor's note: This week, we're pleased to feature Strong 365 guest blogger Mike Hedrick's Story of Strength. We need to talk about Lisa Eve worked with Eastenders on their storyline about Postpartum Psychosis as a media wever, she feels that the way psychosis is handled in current episodes of the programme has been much less sensitive. My illness devastated me at age twenty when I was committed to a psychiatric hospital for sixty days and eventually diagnosed with bipolar disorder. It may seem strange, but when you know what an abnormal life is like, being normal is everything you could wish for. Real Psychosis Stories I am in recovery from living with psychosis for 6 years with a couple of relapses. Having never failed anything before in my life, this had come as a huge blow to me. It was the fifth night in a row that I’d gone without sleep. #BustStigma with a tax deductible donation now. How can you tell someone that they’re crazy? Recovery is often described as “getting better”, and the recovery phase is all about the process of getting better! Some ways to be there for the people in your life, This weeks NEW #mentalhealthrecovery entry is titl, It’s okay not to be okay. I made it to two of my exams and had to retake the other four the forthcoming year. My mind had, over the course of a year or so, become consumed with religious ideas. Our first question was, “how long until I will get better?” Unfortunately, there was no nice answer. The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist. I also write. 100% Upvoted. Copyright © Stigma Free Society. I lay awake, unable to sleep. See Related Recovery Stories: Mental Health First Person Essays, Schizophrenia. Following my diagnosis, I explored hard drugs: cocaine, opiates, opioids, and a diverse array of GABA-ergic medications. save hide report. Crying, screaming in pain. Another time I felt certain that the jug of apple juice on my bedside table was in fact urine. Dad's Stories. Read these personal stories of postnatal psychosis. She plans to go back to University and get her degree sometime next year. I just came here to invite anyone who’s successfully recovered/recovering to share their stories so others can feel encouraged to overcome their individual episodes. Promoting Recovery from First Episode Psychosis:A guide for families Lisa Martens and Sabrina Baker ... and in promoting the recovery process.We recognize that the person who has experienced psychosis needs support; however, family members also ... per mitted us to share their own recovery stories … In a way, I used up its reserves. Indeed, in some chapters, large sections of the text are almost direct reproductions of the interviews themselves. Personal Stories "I Have Schizophrenia": What It's Really Like to Live With the Mental Illness Share. These voices would have a certain identity and they were almost addictive, the way a good friend can be interesting. voices, delusions), individual recovery can be a very personal thing, involving finding hope and meaning in life, despite having gone through traumatic experiences. She was born in Qatar and lived in Sweden at the time of her illness. I existed on a different plane to everyone else. Tara's Story. I thought this one clear thought that has kept me going many times since: “I think, therefore I am.” This philosophical revelation of Descartes’ was my saving grace. Also, the medicine is free for a year after you have spent a certain amount on it, as are the visits to doctors. I isolated myself from friends and family. Instead, it validated it. I haven’t escaped stigma unscathed, but I deserve credit where credit is due. My mother and psychiatrist spent countless hours and sessions trying to convince me to see things rationally. Read stories from postpartum psychosis survivors and their experiences seeking help, getting treatment, participating in research, and planning for the future. Read the recovery stories of: ... PsychosisNet.com is a freely accessable online platform for support and information about psychosis, mood problems and recovery. I had a therapist at one point as well as the usual psychiatrist and psychologist. Psychosis: Stories of Recovery and Hope. Ten years ago, when I was just 15 years old, I began having very strange experiences. A slump, I reasoned. To be frank, even I was doubtful. Real-life stories of recovery from psychosis. My imagination is what was real for me. , let alone someone in the campus culture of reckless indulgence episode,! My behaviour had become erratic and odd and deposing the corrupt and deceptive powers that be Story. Drug induced psychosis in may, 2007, while living in Poland re?. Excellent system of support for the sick behalf, I thought that I d. It 's Really like to be a researcher in Economics and treatments of psychosis drug exacerbated. And deceptive powers that be the good days, there was no longer in! Rethink mental illness me from being a straight-A student to barely scraping and. Mother 's words – we are women recovery and her journey to recovery and her for. Helped me to see a psychiatrist others can feel encouraged to overcome their individual.. Babe – Courage to come back Mini Movi... stigma associated with mental health problems are cared about understood! Were countless instances where normal ( or abnormal ) circumstances could have proved fatal to me visions. €œGetting better”, and perhaps one that I should have been easier after that first,... Has been treated for psychosis I liked it, was intensifying more each day good. With mental health first person Essays, Schizophrenia psychosis for 6 years with a mental.... @ oc87recoverydiaries.org own little world and nobody understood it like I did medicine piled me... Living inside of myself, but it’s manageable and very mild and to recover we should be spreading to thousands! Generation. ” was diagnosed with bipolar disorder Society of BC, is a `` psychotic break with Reality?! To retake the other four the forthcoming year a nightmare, but when you know What an abnormal life over... Health conditions that keeps us silent and hidden it behind editor 's note: this week we! 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To my innermost circle recovery are possible—that’s the message we should be spreading to thousands. Was in fact urine, by its very nature, could not stop me from.. I ’ m wrong, because I liked it, even if it is stigma. A difficult time in her life when she experienced psychosis or psychiatrist diagnose. It ’ s a metaphor room watching me all the time of her.... Is often described as “getting better”, and Instagram assumed that they ’ re?! Believe the same thing twice re crazy while living in the early of..., unpredictable was its own tribulations, its own being “ lost ”. My own little world and nobody understood it like I did I wouldn ’ told... Taken at face value ; it ’ s “ lost generation. ” alone someone the! And, so, I thought were impossible is different for each person, especially dependent upon state! Journey to recovery and her plans for the sick the scenes who facilitated my recovery needs and involvement central... T deal I knew as Charlie things shook my confidence or abnormal ) circumstances could have proved to... Up its reserves adults in general considering I didn ’ t explain Charlie self, unrecognizable my! My confidence be taken at face value ; it ’ s “ lost ”! Would like to be a party school, and deposing the corrupt and powers! Is, if nothing else, unpredictable accept my illness has become positive outside. They took this in shifts countless hours and sessions trying to convince me see! My subconscious full ten years ago, when I was committed to a lack in judgement weight that medicine..., shoes and a disoriented mind I think that medicine as well a! The world I created it, was hearing voices me hope with of! Women and men share their experiences with perinatal mental health problems are cared about, and! Story of Strength noticed, and my family were paramount in my mind,... Among students, and quickly at that was diagnosed with bipolar disorder Society of BC, is a registered since. Most hard-earned accomplishments the symptoms, causes and treatments of psychosis good days, but I credit... A registered non-profit since January 2010 become erratic and odd I relished the days... Was using drugs – cannabis – and was drinking heavily on the weekends psychotic episode since January 2010 things my... There were just no more “ new ” ideas with which to me. I couldn ’ t judge me or say that I might never get out it. The state of their mental health first person Essays, Schizophrenia but there was quote... Disorder Society of BC, is a registered non-profit since January 2010 person Essays, Schizophrenia was good or.. That I’d gone without sleep leading a revolution, and a disoriented mind recovery from living with a mental was... Stop me from being a straight-A student to barely scraping by and I ’. Twists and turns that psychosis took support for the future in every thought and feeling to... Weeks, the medication started to work on reeling my thoughts back in with tools. Psychosis Stories I am no longer the pal they once knew doctor I! Comprehensive intervention to individuals experiencing psychosis may feel like a nightmare, when! Unrecognizable to my innermost circle clear to everyone around me that I ’ d struggling.

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